A Positive Take on Seasons
Southern California is my favorite place to live. It has become even more evident to me that I want to end up there for the long term. I miss the warm sun, the smell of the beach, and the predictable weather. But here we are! We are living our lives on the East Coast, where right now there is snow falling outside my window.
I had a thought while I was walking Mara this fall, “Season’s force you to be present.” If you blink, the time passes by, the falling leaves change to piles of snow, and then the earthy colors are covered in white. If you don’t appreciate what is in front of you now, you will never get the chance to live that moment again. Sure, it comes next year when the flowers grow and the leaves change all over again, but not THAT moment. November is gone. The leaves that are left in the gutter are done. Their jobs have been fulfilled. Now it is time to bring on the cold and wintry days and nights.
I always struggle with the practice of being present. With the thought that something else is coming around the corner, that I need to prepare for it. But with four seasons you have to be. Flowers don’t bloom in the snow, at least not many of them do. The leaves aren’t on the trees in the snow. Nothing waits.
So why do I wait? Why am I always waiting for the perfect opportunity to do something? For something that I cooked or baked to taste better than the first bite? For the work opportunity to come knocking, when it doesn’t even have my address? It’s vulnerable to be present. I’m not comfortable with it. I’m not comfortable living in the now. Not waiting until next months first Tuesday to make that effort. I can build it up and prepare for it - but the reality is, the time will pass and I will forget or come up with a reason not to do it.
I may have to wait until Spring to really get the full scope of the feeling of seasons, but the quickness of fall gave me a good lesson on how to live in the moment. I may not practice it yet, but it is front of mind. Writing down what I feel, in the moment, talking about my mental health, putting down my cleaners and playing with Ender when he wants to, making an appointment right that minute, planning a day out by myself. Practicing being present is the SAME as being present - but I’m not going to tell myself that.
Seasons are coming and going here on the East Coast. But they are also coming and going within me. I am learning what I want, what I need, and what is best for me. When we move back to California one day I won’t be sad about my time living on the East Coast, I will be happy. It will be where I overcame my postpartum depression, where Ender learned to talk, where Decker took his first steps, and where we saw snow fall right from the sky. It’ll be the place where we had a white Christmas, where I learned how to appreciate flowering plants, and the sweet memory of central air conditioning. It’ll be the place where Jeff and I kept working on being a team, where we realized what we want out of life, where we decided to live our lives right now - in the moment - no excuses.
The snow outside my window is beautiful and I will love 70 degrees and palm trees even more because of it.